In my continuing series of book reviews, I would like to profile Leadership and Self-Deception – Getting Out of the Box. An infant is learning to crawl. She begins by pushing herself backward around the house. Backing herself around, she gets lodged beneath the couch. There she thrashes about – crying and banging her little head against the sides and undersides of the couch. She is stuck and hates it. So she does the only thing she can think of to get herself out – she pushes even harder, which only makes her problem worse. If this infant could talk, she would blame the couch for her troubles. She, after all, is doing everything she can think of. The problem could not be hers. But of course, the problem is hers, even though she cannot see it. The author of this amazing book tells us this lack of seeing the problem is the self-deception that is so central to leadership.
The Arbinger Institute wrote this book in order to help people realize that most personal and organizational problems are the result of self-deception. We deceive ourselves into thinking we're doing the right thing for the right reason, but people won't follow a leader whose motives are selfish. The tricky thing is, we don't know that our motivation is flawed. Through an entertaining and highly instructive story, this book shows what self-deception is, how people get trapped in it, how it undermines relationships and organizational achievement, and, most importantly, the surprising way to solve it.
When we are in the box we exhibit the following characteristics:
- Lack of commitment.
- Lack of engagement.
- Troublemaking.
- Conflict.
- Lack of motivation.
- Stress.
- Poor teamwork.
- Backbiting/bad attitudes.
- Misalignment.
- Lack of trust.
- Lack of accountability.
- Communication problems.
These are common problems in organizations
Once we are in the box, certain mindsets will not get us out of the box:
- Trying to change others - because I am still in the box.
- Doing my best to “cope” with others - because I am still in the box.
- Leaving - because I am carrying the box with me.
- Communicating - because I simply communicate my box.
- Implementing new skills or techniques - because I am still in the box.
- Changing my behavior - because if in the box, I could not mean it.
The way out of the box is to cease resisting what is outside of our box - others. The moment we cease resisting others we are out of the box - liberated from self-justifying thoughts and feelings. This is why the way out of the box is always right before our eyes - because the people we are resisting are right before our eyes. We can stop betraying ourselves toward them - we can stop resisting them.
This book goes to the core of what it means to live in a world so consumed with ego and self-promotion that many times we are more concerned about how we appear today rather than what impact our appearances, actions, and aspirations will have on ourselves. In short the book is engaging and fresh, easy to read, and packed with insight.
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